5 Red Flags to Watch When Meeting Someone from the Internet

Meeting people online isn’t weird anymore. Hell, it’s probably how most of us connect these days – whether you’re swiping on dating apps, joining Facebook groups, or sliding into someone’s DMs after they posted something hilarious on Twitter.

And honestly? There’s something pretty exciting about finally meeting someone you’ve been chatting with. You’ve built up this whole idea of who they are, and now you get to see if reality matches up. Sometimes it’s even better than you imagined.

But I’ve learned the hard way that not everyone online is who they claim to be. I’m not trying to make you paranoid – most people are genuinely decent. But there are enough weirdos and creeps out there that it’s worth knowing what to watch for. Think of this as your bullshit detector guide.

Trust Your Gut (Seriously, It’s Usually Right)

Okay, before we get into the obvious red flags, can we talk about that weird feeling you get sometimes? You know the one – when everything seems fine on paper, but something in your stomach is telling you “nope.”

I had this happen with a guy I met through a professional networking thing. Great profile, articulate messages, seemed normal enough. We planned to meet for coffee, and I should have been excited. Instead, I felt… off. Couldn’t explain why.

My friends thought I was being ridiculous. “What’s the worst that could happen at Starbucks?” they said. But I listened to that nagging feeling anyway. Good thing, because the guy spent our entire “casual coffee” trying to recruit me into some pyramid scheme he’d somehow forgotten to mention online.

Your brain picks up on tiny inconsistencies that you don’t consciously notice. When your gut says something’s wrong, it usually is. Don’t rationalize it away.

Do These Things or You’re Asking for Trouble

Look, I know safety precautions can feel like overkill when you’re excited about someone. But these aren’t suggestions – they’re requirements if you want to avoid becoming a cautionary tale.

Video call them first. I don’t care how much they hate being on camera. If someone won’t do a quick FaceTime or Zoom call, they’re hiding something. Period. You need to verify they’re actually the person in their photos and not some 50-year-old dude in his mom’s basement.

Public places only. Coffee shops, busy restaurants, the mall food court – anywhere with lots of people and security cameras. Their apartment is not an option. Your place is definitely not an option. “But it would be so much quieter to talk” is code for “I want you somewhere nobody can hear you scream.”

Tell someone where you’re going. Send your best friend their name, photo, and location. Set a check-in time. Yes, it feels dramatic. Do it anyway.

Drive yourself. Don’t let them pick you up. Don’t get in their car. You want to be able to leave whenever you want without having to explain yourself or beg for a ride home.

Keep your mouth shut about personal stuff. They don’t need to know where you live, work, or go to yoga class. Save the life story for after you’ve established they’re not a serial killer.

Red Flag #1: Their Story Has More Holes Than Swiss Cheese

You know how when you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember what you said? Liars don’t have that luxury.

I once talked to this woman who claimed to be a nurse. Fair enough. But then she mentioned working at three different hospitals in two weeks, couldn’t explain basic medical terms, and got defensive when I asked innocent questions about her job. Turned out she was actually unemployed and living with her parents.

Watch for stuff like:

• Job details that change every conversation
• Stories that get more elaborate each time they tell them
• Weirdly vague answers to simple questions
• Getting angry when you ask for specifics

Everyone forgets details sometimes. But if someone can’t keep their basic life facts straight, they’re probably making shit up.

Red Flag #2: They’re More Clingy Than Plastic Wrap

There’s being interested, and then there’s being pushy. Someone who actually likes you will want you to feel comfortable and safe. Someone with bad intentions will try to rush you past your better judgment.

This looks like demanding to meet immediately, even when you’ve said you want to take things slow. Getting pissy when you suggest meeting somewhere public. Making comments like “don’t you trust me?” when you mention basic safety precautions.

Even worse is when they start badmouthing your friends and family. “Your roommate sounds jealous of what we have” or “your mom just doesn’t want you to be happy” are massive red flags. They’re trying to isolate you from people who might tell you to run.

Anyone worth your time will respect your boundaries and want your support system to like them, not disappear.

Red Flag #3: They’re Coming on Stronger Than a Used Car Salesman

Real feelings develop over time. When someone starts talking about your “incredible connection” or how you’re “the one they’ve been waiting for” after three text conversations, that’s not romance – that’s manipulation.

I’m talking about people who call you their soulmate before you’ve even met, shower you with over-the-top compliments that sound like they came from a romance novel, or start making big future plans when you barely know each other.

This is called love bombing, and it’s designed to make you feel so special that you ignore obvious problems. Think about it – how can someone claim to love you when they don’t actually know you yet?

Genuine interest grows naturally. Manipulation tries to skip all the getting-to-know-you parts and jump straight to “you’re amazing and we’re meant to be together.”

Red Flag #4: They Think “No” Is a Suggestion

How someone handles your boundaries in text messages is exactly how they’ll handle them in person. If they can’t respect a simple “no” over chat, what makes you think they’ll respect you face-to-face?

Maybe you’ve said you don’t like late-night texts, but they keep messaging at 2 AM. Or you’ve mentioned you’re not ready to talk about certain topics, but they keep bringing them up anyway. Some people will even send inappropriate photos after you’ve clearly said you’re not interested.

Pay attention to their reaction when you say no to anything, even small stuff. Do they accept it and move on, or do they argue, guilt-trip, or keep pushing?

Someone who gets mad at your boundaries now, when they’re supposedly trying to impress you, will be ten times worse later.

Red Flag #5: They’re Allergic to Public Places

This is the big one. If someone won’t meet you in public, don’t meet them at all.

“My apartment is more comfortable.” Nope. “I’ll just pick you up.” Absolutely not. “Let’s meet at this secluded hiking trail I know.” Are you insane?

Normal people understand why you’d want to meet somewhere public for the first time. They want you to feel safe too. Anyone who gets offended by this request or tries to talk you out of it is telling you everything you need to know about their intentions.

Don’t let them make you feel paranoid or rude. Your safety matters more than their feelings.

The Bottom Line

Meeting people online can be great. Some of my best relationships started with dating apps or social media. But you have to be smart about it.

Trust your instincts, stick to public places, and don’t let anyone rush you or guilt you into ignoring red flags. The right person will have no problem with reasonable safety precautions because they actually care about your wellbeing.

There are plenty of decent people out there. You don’t need to give creeps the benefit of the doubt just to be polite.

Stay safe, trust yourself, and don’t be afraid to walk away when something feels wrong. Your gut is usually right.